понедельник, 21 января 2013
23:58

Per aspera ad astra.
I've just watched the film "Prozak nation"and understood that I've stayed here alone by myself. I mean, there are many people around me and they need me and they worring about me, but they are not those people I want. I see myself so sad and so down. I think I'm depressed and all this whole world looks like the emptiness which can't placed inside me, so it escape of me at all . This black hole in my bleeding soul sucked me down in complete

@темы: Набор мыслей

URL
01:51

Per aspera ad astra.
Again I've started to count days until we meet. In this days emptiness is more than before, because I try to win in this game only by myself.
It is 100% that I'll see you at 15 of april, but will I be able to come to you at 2 of april. It is very complicated, because I'm not sure will I save enough money for visa and tickets. And there is even worse problem - will embassy allow me to visit GB. But if everything will be okay I'll see you in 73 days.
My mother predicted that I will come to London, and there must be no doubts. Wish she was right.


Talked to Myra today. This is so hard for her to be in the country without anybody she knows. She didn't like everything around her and she is so angry and looking not good. But she has to adapt to this situation, even she doesn't want and start be more patient, especially to Lime. In other way she can destroy everything she has by herself. I understand. Understand everything and I'm ready to help her if she wants it. But if not I can do nothing.

I pass through this, I mean, I understood that if I don't learn how to control myself I'll loose even those trifle I have. But the most important thing to me is keep it in my heart, keep it in my mind and I'll do everything make things go on, because this the only way for me to feel happy.

Tommorow I'm having the most important exams and I have to pass they to go to Lviv,to go out of this problems and thoughts. I just want to forgt about everything, even if for some days.




@темы: кпи, Друзья, Любовь

URL
пятница, 18 января 2013
10:20

Per aspera ad astra.
She've jus leave. It was hard, but I was thinking that she's coming to her dream and she will be happy. This is good for her anyway. I love her. Love her so much, and I'll miss her. 5 mounth without... To hard but real. Everithing will be fine. I promise to myself, to Lyme, to her.

@темы: Друзья

URL
05:44

Per aspera ad astra.
In some hours she will get the plane. And now, I already can say that everybodys I love are leaving me. I can't stop thinking I stay here alone with myself, even if it's not. My life is crushing without this people and I can't stop that. Life from one meeting to another and in the middle is abyss. It will be so hard to waste the time. Wish I could have the magic stick that could change things in the way I want. And only the reason I have to be strong is that in the end everything has to be alright. If it is not then this is not the end, am I right?

@темы: Друзья, Любовь

URL
понедельник, 14 января 2013
06:16

Per aspera ad astra.
I'm starting to wake up from this nightmare or maybe dream, I've not decided yet. And thanks some really good people for that.
Everytime I lose people I become stronger and stronger, but every time it's happening it's more and more painfull. Maybe because I become older, or it depands on people. I don't know, I only understand that somebody who is so important for me just left, and another will do it in 3 days.
He even didn't say goodbye to me, he wasn't able to do it because of his parents. Maybe it's for good, anyway it means that we'll see each other and very soon. I'll do anything to come to him to London in April, and he will come back till 10 may in 15 april.. I believe that time without him will run fast and I won't be depressed. I try to keep living and don't show others how I'm without him, but I'm thinking about him all the time. It's so hard to forget about all the memories, about all things, about all the words he said to me. When I was walking around the KPI and it's snowing I'm beg God to turn him to me only for an hour. But this is impossible so I keep walking.
And now, for all is happening my best friend also leaving me. This is unfair. I feel like everybodys stay me here alone. I understand, that this is not forever, that they will back in some monthes, that will be skyping and texting, and this is life and this is their choice to study in other country. But it's so hard for me.
Well, exams in KPI are almost pass. I'm not have as good marks as I wanted but this is only my fault and now I don't care. I mean, I'm to busy in my own thoughts to think of this. I know that I'll regret about that soon. But the only thing I can think of is how I get enough money for my trip in London.
In other way how it would be cool if I come to him. Only two of us for all week in his appartment in London. All week only for us. I would be so happy if all things are going for best.

@темы: кпи, Друзья, Любовь

URL
воскресенье, 06 января 2013
04:29

Per aspera ad astra.
I've never been such sentimental in itself. But since i let him in my life, I stop being myself and became the little girl who can't take care of herself and needs love and tenderness. I lose heart and stop keep fighting with my feelings. What's more I stop fighting with my thoughts, to say nothing of my dreams. The thing is that love can completely change people and make them to reconsider their values.


@темы: Друзья

URL
03:36

Per aspera ad astra.
I miss you already. I can't imagine how will I live without you so long. You bring me the sence of life. You are the sence of my life. Whole world is empty without you. Everything will be different. This life will continue from one meeting to another. Of course I'll wait for you, even if you don't want it. I love you... forever.

@темы: Любовь

URL
пятница, 04 января 2013
02:05

Per aspera ad astra.
At last I'm at home. I haven't been here for a 3 days, but this days were the best in my life.
At first I spent the New Year's night with my two best friends Myra and Lime. Then me and Myra spent night together.
But the last night was with the man I can't live without. The man, who makes me happy only with his smile. The man who drives me crazy only with his hands. The man who will leave me next week.
This night was the best I ever had in my life. All my body smells like he. Even if he has some problems, I've never feel like that before. But he started to understand that I'm in love with him and this is my problem. He doesn't have such feelings as I. I'm just the girl who is helping him to relax in this holidays. It doesn't matter, i just can't stop thinking that he will come back to London on wednesday. I don't know what I have to do to forget him, how will I live without him. My heart is bleeding when I'm thinking of that.

@темы: Любовь

URL
понедельник, 31 декабря 2012
00:19

Per aspera ad astra.
Без него я просто схожу с ума. Меня ломает и я просто губы в кровь кусаю. Я готова на все,лишь бы он был рядом проямо сейчас. В даный момент. Господи, как мне страшно представить, что он скоро уедет. Что я буду делать без него. Одного. Так скоро. Не бросай меня рлну здесь, я ведь только с тобой чувствую всю полноту свою. Я с тобой только не чувствую себя одинокой. Я не могу без тебя. Не могу. И я схожу с ума. С ума. Целиком и полностью, первый раз в жизни.

@темы: Любовь

URL
воскресенье, 30 декабря 2012
22:38

Per aspera ad astra.
Я думаю, что даная запись должна быть на русском, потому, что к сожалению все такие эмоции на английском мне сложно выразить.
Я влюбленна. По уши и безповоротно. Моя душа превратилась в марионетку в его всегда теплых и нежных руках. Мое сердце звонит 09, когда он целует меня. Голова кружится словно на карусели. И мои ноги совсем не слушают меня. Кажется, буд-то бы они знают, что им не нужно особо напрягаться, ведь он все равно меня удержит. Его запах сводит меня с ума и заставляет забыть обо всем, что происходит вокруг, обо всех... С ним я забываю о том, как мало у нас времени, о том, как быстро оно пройдет, о том, что я могу сделать кому-то больно. Он учит меня наслаждаться этим моментом сейчас и совершенно не важно,что будет дальше, ведь главное это сейчас... Сейчас моя рука в его руке и все остальное не имеет никакой роли.
Я не могу чувствовать свою вину, даже когда умудрилась сделать больно как минимум двум людям за один вечер. Мне все равно, мне правда все равно. Я боюсь потерять секунду, а они думаюи о вечности.
И сейчас хочу заявить официально: С тех пор, как я родилась прошло 18 лет. И стех пор я никогда не была так счастлива как сейчас. И все, чего я хочу, это что бы этот момент продлился как можно дольше. И я скажу ему спасибо. Спасибо за то, что он просто делает меня счастливой, сам того возможно не осознавая.

@темы: Любовь

URL
четверг, 27 декабря 2012
23:18

Per aspera ad astra.
One little girl just fall in love with the man who will make she hurt. She just so happy with him that she doesn't care will she live or die. She is ready to do everything he wants but she doesn't know what is pain like. She just in love with him, and has she ever been in love like this. His lips and hands are so soft for her,and i suppose, are the best for her. Nobody said it would be easy to love. Nobody said it would be easy to understand and control the situation. But she can only live one day.

@темы: Любовь

URL
среда, 26 декабря 2012
01:55 

Доступ к записи ограничен

Per aspera ad astra.
Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

URL
вторник, 25 декабря 2012
14:49 

Доступ к записи ограничен

Per aspera ad astra.
Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

URL
четверг, 20 декабря 2012
01:15

Per aspera ad astra.
He catched me. And he absolutly right, I belong to him since now. In a few days I will be with him in Bukovel. I know what it will be and I'm happy. So happy. He only can make me so happy.

@темы: Любовь

URL
понедельник, 17 декабря 2012
23:10

Per aspera ad astra.
I can't belive that I will see him tommorow. I've waited for this moment so long that I even can't imagine how will it be.
His coming is the light in this grey world. This time became so diffucult to survive that I just can swim with the tide. I still miss him so much and I want to see him so much I even can't explain.


@темы: Набор мыслей, Любовь

URL
среда, 12 декабря 2012
11:27 

Доступ к записи ограничен

Per aspera ad astra.
Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

URL
среда, 05 декабря 2012
03:41

Per aspera ad astra.
Strange days in my life. They are so strange, that, let me tell you, I can't even follow it. Even if I keep at home, I'll have to much problems, events and other stuff in any case. I try to go whole hog to stay alive at least a 50 percent, but my efforts are in vain. This is to weird going with the flow and going against the stream in one time. But what would you be ready to do if you were me? I think you'll do nothing, cause you can't.

But I've already done with some my problems. I broke up with Stas and I got a job. But after the problem-solving there go another problems. But I'm too tired to tell this really long boring story. I'll just clear my mind and will try to end with my homework and go to sleep.

@темы: Набор мыслей

URL
воскресенье, 02 декабря 2012
07:47

Per aspera ad astra.
14 days and the story of love will begin. This won't be a love story, but story of love. Though i used to say all the time that love is not for me, it's for those who believes in it. The older I get the more sentimental I become. Personally I can't understand is this is for better or not, I only can whisper that I feel everything in several times stronger then ever before.
I defiantly understand that the distance is the acid test for both of us, but I don't believe that when the fate brings together two people this is not the reason for them to fight with the time and space. However, in case, I want to say that I'm a big girl and strong enough to pretend that this is just a game and everybody's fun if anyone doesn't care.
My stories like this fall flat most of the time, so I won't be so sad as most think. Anyway this is not of their business, isn't it?

P.S. I apologize that my English is not quite perfect as I want, and maybe some things are not clear. But I promise that in the near future it will be much better. At all, this is not for you, this is for myself and of course for...

@темы: Набор мыслей, Любовь

URL
суббота, 01 декабря 2012
07:43

Per aspera ad astra.
I'm done with all this stuff . It's time for changes. it's clear, I won't take it long, so I have to do something, before stuff will done with me. It doesn't matter, how will I find out or what will help me, but it's important how fast will I build a fire to making decisions. After you understood how short can be this life, you start to fighting with the time.
And oh ma ... I'm 18 and I'm not already the child, that means I have to do it totally right and my mistakes won't be forgiven since now. Today I have to make clear-all problems I causes are only my problems and I should avoid them or solve. That is the fucking sense of being.
This is stupid to build castles in the air without the ground. I'm carrying a torch for someone who probably doesn't deserve it.

@темы: Набор мыслей

URL
четверг, 29 ноября 2012
23:55

Per aspera ad astra.
I understand, that I won't be able to be myself with you, 'cause I'm afraid that you can scared. I'm not bitch inside, but sometimes I have to be like this. In general, I'm too sentimental, that you won't understand me. I suppose it would be better, if I try to make you hurt.

And some words about usual life and KPI. Though I'm ill, I try to be in the know. I gave my linear algebra homework to my friend. He pass it to my teacher, but she didn't take it. She is an old, evil witch. Hate her. Wish she could be dead. She had to take it,but why she didn't, I don't know. Maybe she is too old to understand that the attestive week is close. I hate hate hate her so much.

I couldn't sleep tonight until 6 a.m. Too much thoughts and dreams in my head. It's only 17 days and something will change. I know, that something will change, but now I'm not sure will it be for good.

@темы: Набор мыслей, кпи, Любовь

URL