Nothing's matter. I suppose this is the end. I'm not interesting at everything that happening to me. I mean that this life is already not interesting for me. Alcohol, cigaretts... I just try to fill emptiness and lonliness with this stuff that killing me. Two days ago I was in ugly student hostel, there was a lot of vine. Red vine. And I was thinking that happy people don't need to smoke or drink. They free of different stimulants. They feel the joy of life without that poison. And I noticed that all people in those hostel were not happy. They were like me, trying to kill their pain and make vision that everything is alright, everything is ok. But it's not. Now I've understood that.
I've just remembered that in the days I were on the sky I even didn't think about cigaretts. There was no need in them. I was with the man who was making me happy and it was much better than this placebo with inscription "happiness".